A light bite this week, you have to go with your energy and this week it feels less for some reason, probably watching the Lionesses win over Sweden and Italy (just!) in the Euros! A short piece on how our reputation can be a weight not a life jacket.
As we progress in our careers and lives we build a reputation. Something hard to build and easy to lose.
For years I believed my credibility was of the upmost importance, my calling card, valued beyond money. I’d go to great lengths to protect it.
Then it dawned on me. My credibility and reputation are not things I possess. They need to be earned from my interactions with others. Like trust and respect.
Trust has a big brother called trustworthiness, that is something you can own, a personal characteristic you build. See Rachel Botsman’s (Oxford) great work on trust.
Respect has a big sister called dignity, again something that is inherent in us. See Donna Hicks (Harvard) brilliant work on dignity.
So what is the sibling of reputation/credibility? Integrity perhaps, being true to ones-self. If you feel guilty, you probably are and need to face up to what’s necessary to come back into alignment. For the last few years I’ve tried to address areas where I have been out of integrity.
I’ve spoken with an ex colleagues where I was given an account that should have been theirs and did not speak up.
I did not go to my Auntie Joan’s funeral (someone who looked after me when I was young and I loved being around) due to “work commitments” while at KPMG. Total bull, I should have prioritised based on what really mattered rather than most convenient for me at the time. I sent a note to my cousin, expressing my remorse and how much her Mum meant and means to me. I compiled a short journal of my memories with pictures of her Mum and ask what I should do to make amends. The note was enough.
There is always something in the locker to clean out. Even honouring your day to day commitments. For example, my mentor Sunil Savara reminds me “When you arrange a meeting, you have entered into a contract and pass the pen to the other person. If you want to change it, you have to ask their permission first.” 100% integrity is hard, if not impossible, however it should be the target.
So be careful not to hold your reputation too tightly. It’s a fascade, a straightjacket which locks you into being a past self and leaves little room for becoming something new. Over protecting it is like bringing up a spoilt child.
Image by: imustbedead
For me, breaking the salary addiction taught me an important point. It turns out, the opposite of addiction is connection. Speak to as many people that know you well (eg. ex-colleagues, business partners, friends, family) and ask them “what value do I bring?”, “what do you see in me?”. Try to speak with 30 or so people to get a rounded view. I did this in late 2023 and it was a warm and heartening experience. None of the feedback related to a job description, they were soft skills or qualities that I took for granted. I’m a bridge builder apparently. This helped me understand my value to others in very real and practical ways. The way I show up as being helpful, in the context of specific needs, that carries more weight than a CV listing what I’ve done (my doings not my beings). And I’m loving it…
Be accountable, be playful and don’t take yourself too seriously. In the words of my favourite Buddhist quote:
“Act always as if the future of the universe depended on what you do, while laughing at yourself for thinking whatever you do makes a difference”.
This week’s paired track is a 90’s dance track with an real ear-worm of a beat “(Do you think you’re) Better Off Alone” by Alice Deejay. A call to connect “talk to me…”.